masturbation in public

roper etiquette for masturbating in public is not quite what you’d think. Half of doing it is being so very jumpy and paranoid that you aren’t going to get caught because you’re stopping every time someone comes within 10 paces, and the other half comes from being charismatic in the event you are caught.

The trick to not getting caught is to try standing someplace out of sight, or at least where half of you is hidden. Once you have this it’s only a matter of how long it takes you personally to finish. A good point to bring up is what you’ll actually be doing with… your finished product, but to each his own. The three options are: tissue, letting it go wherever, and eating it. Again, do whatever you feel you should, personal preference taking priority here.

As for the charisma, there are a few ways you can chalk it up. You can lie about whatever you’re doing; you can be honest and go for shock factor. It’s actually a matter of how well you reacted to being found out. If you’re caught with your dick in your hand it’s over man. If, however, you’re merely caught with a flushed face and heavy breaths claim some sort of illness. Either way, getting away as quickly as possible is the best idea from this point.

All in all, masturbation in public is a terrible idea. I’m honestly saying you shouldn’t do it. In fact, if the urge strikes you so badly, the only place proper for such an act is the bathroom, stall preferred. Its one thing to have sex in public, where it’s frowned upon but not creepy, but masturbation in public is just downright nasty. Keep things clean, bro.

Though, the idea of impromptu masturbation can make for some amusing situations for everyone but you. Imagine walking in on your college professor with his dick in his hand and a cucumber up his ass. Hilarity ensues. I think this article is a winner. It has directions for prison worthy offences and it doesn’t afraid of anything. I think I should rant and rant and rant until I hit 400 words, or until I decide to rewrite it. I sure hope I don’t have to rewrite this, that wouldn’t be very fun. Tea is pretty delicious. I’m so ballin’.